Some people realize earlier in life that they are pathetic losers. They compare themselves to other and realize they have no personality, no athletic skills, and they are well, stupid.
There needs to be a place for this human refuse and at least there is. Send you human debris to ButtHead's School for Pathetic Whiners. At ButtHeads your child will learn to create incidence of moral outrage out of whole cloth and to equate the slightest of slights to the moral outrage of ripping fetuses out of their mother's wombs, chopping off their heads and drinking the blood (you know, something ISIS would think is cool).
At last the super hero that the world needed, hoped for, and even prayed for has made his debut. Super Duper Pooper Scooper Man.
He's not a hero for the best of us, but he is a hero for the rest of us. And maybe Festivus.
He is a seeker of doggie doo in the deepest depths of your neighbor's yard. Where you left it because you didn't want your damn dog crapping on yourlawn!!!
For those of you who don't have dogs and don't have access to Souper Dooper Pooper Scooper Man, but still want a Festivus Miracle here's is one: Your neighbors dogs will hence forth poop only on their own lawns. Dogs the world over will no longer want to poop anywhere but on their own lawns. It's a Festivus Miracle!